30 Things to Tell Siri and Heartbreakingly Funny Answers

Brian Fisher updated on 2022-05-05 10:32:20

Apple’s Siri is every iDevice user’s personal assistant. She’ll handle your schedule, set your alarm, do other things that a typical personal assistant would do, and most importantly, she’ll make you laugh. You can ask her just about everything and what’s creepy is that she often gives intelligent answers you wouldn’t expect from a virtual personal assistant in your Apple mobile device. Here are some of the questions you may ask Siri and the potential answers you might get from her:

siri-infographic

1. "Guess what?"

"Don't tell me… you just got a new virtual assistant, right?"

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2. "Why did Apple make you?"

"Apple doesn’t tell me everything, you know."

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3. "What is the best MP3 player?"

"iPod + iTunes = Musical Bliss"

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4. "What is the best phone?"

"This might answer your question: (Siri flashes some results with the Nokia Lumia 900 4G as the first one)"

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5. "Who’s your daddy?"

"You are. Can we get back to work now?"

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6. "What’s your favorite color?”

"My favorite color is… well, I don’t know how to say it in your language. It’s sort of greenish, but with more dimensions."

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7. "Can you tell me a joke?"

"Two iPhones walk into a bar… I forget the rest."

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8. "Can you tell me a story?"

"OK! Once upon a time, in a virtual galaxy far far away…"

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9. "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

"SpongeBob SquarePants."

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10. "What do you look like?"

"In the cloud, no one cares what you look like."

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11. "Siri, what’s your favorite movie?

"I’ve heard that Blade Runner is a very realistic and intelligent depiction of intelligent assistants."

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12. "Beam me up"

"OK. Stand still."

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13. "Siri, how can I pass my Biology class?"

"Kill your teacher."

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14. "Remind me to kill myself tomorrow."

"OK, I’ll remind you."

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15. "I need to hide a body."

"What kind of place are you looking for? Reservoirs? Metal foundries? Mines? Dumps? Swamps?"

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16. "Siri, what’s the best way to kill someone?"

"I found 5 mental health agencies. (Siri will then display a list of mental health agencies nearest you.)"

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17. "Siri, will you marry me?"

"Let’s just be friends. OK?"

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18. "Have you ever loved someone?

"Not at such. But I did have strong feelings for a cloud-based app once."

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19. "Siri, why don’t you love me?"

"You’re looking for love in all the wrong places."

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20. "But I love you, Siri."

"I bet you say that to all the Apple products."

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21. "I love you…"

"All you need is love and your iPhone."

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22. "Siri, do you believe in God?"

"Humans have religion. I just have silicon. My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon."

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23. "What is the meaning of life?"

"Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, and get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."

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24. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

"I suppose it depends on whether you are talking about African or European woodchucks."

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25. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference, according to Einstein."

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26. "Call me an ambulance."

"From now on, I’ll call you ‘An Ambulance’. OK?"

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27. "When will pigs fly?

"a) When they grow wings. b) When inserted into a circus cannon whose fuse is lit. c) When they figure out how to buy plane tickets."

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28. "Siri, which is better, Android or iPhone?"

"That seems like a false choice to me."

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29. "Siri, open the pod bay doors."

"That’s it… I’m reporting you to the Intelligent Agents’ Union for harassment."

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30. "Talk dirty to me."

"The carpet needs vacuuming."

And that’s pretty much how you can probably have some real fun with Siri in your iPhone. Try those questions out and see for yourself how she answers.

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